It is in helping others through the passing of a loved one that Creator has taught me a truth so profound that I am eager to share with others: when someone we know and love passes, we mourn them but not for them but for ourselves. Certainly we are sad because we cannot speak to these people in person or hug them or laugh with them but the truly impact they have on us is what they represented in our lives that we know believe we have lost.
Let me give you an example. My grandmother passed away on my birthday in 2007. While many would perceive this as a tragedy, I actually see it as a gift. I loved my grandmother beyond the bounds of this life and I will always be able to celebrate her life and mine at the same time. We were intertwined at a very deep level so this is only fitting. When she passed, I mourned her deeply for a few years and realized what I mourned was my perception that I lost the peace she represented to me in life. Without her around, who could I go to to find peace!? Now, of course, the obvious answer is myself.
I needed to give myself the peace that I was taking from her because indeed that is what I did. When my life was turbulent, I used to call her up to ensure she was home and make a beeline for her door when she was. I would hibernate in her apartment for a few hours until I felt the peace restored in me and then I would say good-bye. I sucked from her what I needed. Of course, I never took the time to identify why I needed her so much and quite frankly, I was not awake or aware enough at that time to even notice that I did that. I suspect, however, that my grandmother did and in her wisdom, she never said a word because she knew I would feel immensely guilty about using her that way.
Suddenly, she was gone. Who could I suck peace from now?
Through my grandmother's passing I learned to identify what she represented to me in life and I gifted myself with that "thing", that need, that whatever it was. Only then, could I truly release her so she could continue on her next journey to be with Creator and review/plan whatever it is they do on the other side. Now, I continue to feel her loss but it is with deep joy and love and not pain and sorrow. She was a teacher in life and a teacher in death for which I am extremely grateful.
I leave you with this: think about someone who has passed and pinpoint what they represented to you in life. Once you have identified that, ask yourself what it is you can do for yourself to give yourself that quality. For me, my grandmother represented peace and in order to give myself peace in my life, I chose not to engage in drama, I chose to eliminate all unnecessary activities, I stopped taking ownership on other people's emotions and lives and most of all, I learned to say no. It is not the yes/no decision that causes drama in ones life, it is the outcome of that yes/no decision...
I desire peace, love and joy for myself and you so forgive quickly and completely.