As I entered my teenage years, I was told to begin thinking about the future. What is it that I wanted to do with the rest of my life? What kind of career did I want? Strangely enough, I still could not think long term because I was always focused on September as the starting point of something new. I allowed myself to be influenced by others and ended up taking computer science. While I enjoyed the experience and I am grateful for being in such a lucrative field of study and work, if I could reverse time, I would have chosen a very different profession. Once again, no regrets because computer science has brought me to where I am today, for which I am grateful.
As I completed schooling and entered work and began to have businesses, I am guided by mentors to do 6 month, 1 year and 5 year plans. I am also told to plan for retirement in 40 years time. At this point, a brick wall seemed to loom ahead of me. I appeared to be incapable of thinking that far ahead. I was trying to keep my life together at that and people were wanting me to project into the future?
I truly admire the people who are able to do this but I just cannot seem to see beyond September...
Even today, I get butterflies in my stomach at the beginning of school time. When I see the children heading for the bus stop, I get so excited and have to stop myself from grabbing a lunch box, a school bag and running to the bus stop with them. Remember, hold the handle when getting on an off the bus! Instructions from long ago still echoing through my head clear as a bell. Ironically, I could not tell you what I did yesterday though...
And so you have it. I am unable to live my life into the future and yet today, I am a project manager for a very large software company. I am able to plan, set timelines, identify risks, gather a team of subject matter experts and drive to completion of a project for this company but I am not able to do it for my life.
My husband said something very significant the other day that brought clarity to my dilemma about setting goals into the future: "we have plans about what we think we want to do and leave ourselves open to the possibility of better. And that is what we get...better."
Exactly! The projects I manage for the software company are usually other people's idea and projections so the company can make money. I take their ideas and projections and make them a reality in that company. The projects I manage for my life are Creator's ideas and projections so I can grow, learn, heal and love...and make money (this subject will be my next blog). Creator rarely gives me the projected outcome or deliverable of the idea or project because that is always changing depending on what I learn and how quickly I heal.
Now to tie the two dispirit thoughts together. September is coming and Creator is giving me ideas and projections. New beginning, new start and a new direction all wrapped up in one amazing bundle. I am so excited about what is already here and what is to come. The start of something new.
When is your start of something new? Do you ever get the sense that you can start something new any time you desire or do you feel the obligation of having to do the same thing all the time? Allow yourself the rush and excitement of something new... a new endeavour, a new adventure, a new life. It is all there for you. Truly it is.