Many emotions are involved when someone we know or love transitions but somehow, many people try to suppress how they are truly feeling. They suppress their anger and disappointment and pretend all is well. In the meantime, anger is roiling inside of them and will eventually make itself known in outbursts and even as imbalances in the body otherwise known as diseases.
As a medium, I am often asked to connect with people who have transitioned to ensure they are at peace and no longer suffering and most of the time the response is yes, they are at peace and no, they are not suffering. Whew! The person asking takes a deep breath of relief and is now satisfied. In the few minutes that follow I watch the emotions pass over their face and I feel the suppressed emotions begin to broil to the surface. I wait in silence wondering how long it will take for the person in front of me to begin expressing how they truly feel about the loved one that has passed.
Generally, I do not have to wait long and for those that are more practiced at hiding their emotions, one or two well posed questions will manage to pop the cork on the volcano of emotions and the eruption starts. The wonderfully healing eruption of suppressed emotions in a safe and non-judgmental environment.
Where did we get the belief we are not allowed to be angry at dead people? Seriously?
I say this with all humbleness and respect, dead people truly don't mind you getting mad at them. They won't hold a grudge. They are in pure spirit form and are back with Creator. They do not have the capacity to do anything other than love you unconditionally. You, however, are still in human form with an ego and a plethora of emotions. You must allow yourself to feel what you feel. You must allow yourself to express your emotions in a safe and nurturing way. Remember the golden rule: feel how you feel but you DO NOT have the right to take your emotions out on other people.
Once you have expressed your emotions, you can begin the healing process. It has been my personal experience and my experience in working with others that healing is only possible once we achieve forgiveness. We forgive the people who have died for leaving us. (Let's be honest. When we mourn at someone's passing, we are not mourning for them, we mourn for ourselves and our loss.)
So how do we get from what we are feeling to forgiveness? We get there by understanding what the person who has transitioned represented to us while they were with us.
For example, my grandmother in life represented peace and when she transitioned, I had a belief I would never experience peace in my life again because she was gone. How dare she take my peace away from me?
Once I acknowledged I was angry and feeling sorry for myself at her loss, I began the work of identifying what I had to now do for myself in order to bring peace back in to my life. I had to start by defining what peace meant for me and what it looked like. The definition had to be detailed and specific. The actions to take had to be meaningful and when executed, must have the desired result of bringing peace to my life. Once I had a clear definition, I could execute and achieve the defined and desired peace. This then brought me to gratefulness and forgiveness. I am grateful to my grandmother for holding peace in my life until I could find it for myself and I also forgive her for leaving me when she did because I was not ready for her to go (are we ever?).
Between the time she transitioned and I acknowledged my anger and loss was a period of two years. During that time, when I thought about her, I would feel sadness and some level of joy since she had been wanting to transition for a few years before she actually did. She was tired and pretty much done with this lifetime. I was still unable to let her go.
I am grateful to Creator for guiding me in this process of healing and I offer the guidance to you. When someone you know has transitioned, here are the following steps you could follow to help you heal:
1. Acknowledge their passing and how you feel.
2. Find some way of expressing how you feel in a safe and nurturing environment.
3. Identify what this person represented to you in life.
4. Articulate and define what you can do for yourself to bring that representation back to yourself.
5. Forgive. Forgive them for leaving, forgive yourself for being angry/sad/whatever about their leaving and ask them to forgive you for whatever you believe you could have done for them but didn't while they were still alive.
From experience, the above steps work. I does not mean we stop missing the people who have transitioned but it does mean we no longer having a gaping wound either.