As my journey continues, I have had to heal many deep and painful wounds, fears and worries. I have also had to let go of attachments to many dear people. These were requested by Creator and as I have dedicated my life to doing what it is in the highest good, I made the choice to heal what was necessary to do Creator's bidding and help people on their journey.
I remember the time when Creator told me I needed to move out west. Yup, no problem. I will make arrangements for Allan and I and help David find himself a job out there, register for special olympics, find a community....what!? What do you mean David cannot come with us? (Begin hyperventilating now...)
David had been an extension of me since he was born. He was the reason I did many things in my life and everything I did was for him and helping him to live his life. How could I possible abandon my son now and leave him behind? Who would take care of him? How would he survive this harsh cruel world without me? This was not fair, Creator! Just not fair, damn it!
This was, by far, the most difficult exercise Creator requested of me on this journey. I knew Creator had a bigger purpose in mind so I turned my ego away from fearing the future and leaving David behind to focus on WHY leaving David behind while Allan and I moved out west was such a big deal. I began writing down the questions that came to mind:
Who was I without David? I had been David's mother for almost 18 years at that point.
Was I hiding behind David and his differences as an excuse for me not to do what I know was required of me in this lifetime?
Instead of him being able to function without me, the question was could I truly function without him?
These were the big questions. There were a few more questions that came forward that required addressing and healing but these were the big ones.
Over the next few months, I worked on identifying the root causes of these questions I had around David and others around me. I healed my need to use David as a lifeline and a shield from life in general. I healed my need to use David as an excuse for not achieving what I had envisioned for my life. I healed. The bonus was that David healed too.
Unknowingly, I had placed myself as a burden on David because he was busy propping me up in my insecurities that he too was not able to live his life as he envisioned. He would not take risks and chances fearing I would be unhappy about it. What business is it of mine if he chooses certain directions? In all my best intentions of raising a young man to live his life to the fullest, I had missed a key part...me! Yes, David loves to take chances and he is extremely successful at everything he does...when I get out of his way!
Once I fully healed and cut the attachments between us, David became a new person. I could see his energy lift and his outlook brighten. I had removed the burden I had unknowingly placed on his and watched him morph into a most amazing individual. His life had finally and truly begun.
Today, I do the same with my husband. The man I most dearly love in all of this world and beyond. I was guided by Creator to release my attachments to him and get out of his way so he can finally live life without worrying about me. He can finally be responsible for himself only and not be responsible for me. As I am releasing the attachments, I am watching a man finally flourish and free himself from what he has known his whole life...responsibility for others rather than living his true life of being responsible for himself alone and responsible to others in the role he chooses to play for them.
Releasing the attachments was difficult and painful but truly well worth the journey. Many tears were shed but they were tears of fear. Now, many smiles are had because I have the best of both worlds. A husband and son who are loving life and living it as they choose and an unconditional love for both and from both. What more can a girl ask for?
You too can live your life free of attachments. Free yourself. Heal yourself. Free others around you.