I set goals for myself this year to increase the number of Twitter followers and really ramp up my YouTube channel with videos. I am a teacher and love sharing what I learn with others. I desired to spend lots of time at the beach and really rest this summer to get ready for the upcoming fall season of Toastmasters because another goal I have is to win the 2017 Toastmasters International Speaking Contest. In case you haven't noticed, I am also someone who loves to try different activities. I want to experience life as much as possible.
Right...so I have these goals and desires. What really happened? In my day job, I got an increase in responsibilities and two new managers and I somehow felt I needed to prove myself to these two and produce the results they were expecting. Outcome: cancelled vacation twice to work on deadlines that suddenly appeared, worked 14 hour days even on weekends and basically gave up on my goals and desires to help some otherwise very wealthy gentleman make even more money while I got no extra compensation for my efforts. Definition of insanity, yes!? Definite yes.
Why do I do it? Why do I allow myself to fall into this cycle? Am I afraid of reaching the goals I set for myself? Do I self-sabotage? I have been known to do that. There are times I reach goals and other times where I don't. Am I ready for the current goals I have set for myself? I know I have much to learn and a lot of growing to do and I am good for it. I love healing and facing fears. Lot of questions to ask myself and to seek answers for. As part of my usual cycle of falling blind to my own desires and goals in order to impress others, awakening to my actions and recovering from them takes me to a place of peace and confidence in knowing I am growing. I now turning inwards to channel my energies towards what is truly important to me. I will continue to work diligently for my day job because it's my personality to do so but gone will be the 14 hour days, the cancelled vacations and the working weekends. In place, I turn my gaze towards my goals and desires and remember to have fun in the process.
Yes, I do experience critical moments of imbalances in my life but isn't that all part of being human and experiencing life? It truly does make me appreciate my own growth, my own humanity and my desire for great experiences. It certainly adds excitement to life doesn't it?
Message from Elohim:
"The human race struggles constantly with the need to do, the need to be, the need for this and the need for that. The truth is that you need nothing for your existence but the fact that you strive is what makes you human. The trees do not strive, they simply are. The animals do not strive, they simply are. Humans are unique in that perspective. It is to live life fully with many experiences that is the core of being human. Love who you are. Love humanity. Love your capacity to feel, react, be and do. Love humanity."
There are great adventures in the world, in the heart and in the mind. Doing what you feel is right in the moment is what is necessary even if it means working 14 hour days to prove yourself to others. There is a reason I did this. Perhaps some day I will know why but until then, I am off to the beach. Who's in?