In my younger days, drama was my go to, my life force, my reason for existing. I loved my drama. I was the drama queen and I could pass a rumour around faster than a race car driver tearing up an oval. I was careful not to change the story though because if it was wrong, I could easily point the finger at someone else because I heard it from them. If someone was in the mire, I got right down with them on all fours and rolled in it.
Not a pretty picture but there it is. Exposed for everyone to see and read.
Over the years, life lessons and a desire for peace slowly and surely hacked away at my need for drama. I was afraid to fully let go though because drama brought me attention. It wasn't necessarily good attention but it was attention. Now, ironically, I prefer solitude and peace. I have a low tolerance level for anyone or anything that impinges on my zen.
Being 50 years old certainly brings a new perspective on life. Just recently I had to deal with an individual who still clings to drama in life and has yet to learn that, as a human, we feel emotions and it's a choice we make. In making that choice, it is also important for them to take responsibility for it. I constantly verbally repeat foundational truths in my life with one of them being: feel how you feel, take responsibility for how you feel, find a healthy way to deal with how you feel and you DO NOT have a right to take it out on other people. The individual I had to deal with has yet to learn that lesson and I am not sure they ever will. When I approached them about their actions, their immediate reaction was to become defensive and run from the situation. So be it. Another choice they are making.
Understand how you affect people around you. Understand that you do not live in a vacuum. Your actions and words DO affect others. This individual is hurting because of a recent loss in their life and they are angry. The anger came out as criticisms and verbal abuse. It was so bad, a couple of people were willing to let go of an activity they loved to avoid being around this person. Yes folks! We make decisions based on what others say and do around us. "Just ignore the other person" actually doesn't work. There is only so much people can take before they take action to protect themselves. That's just who we are.
The human condition is one of constant growth, re-evaluation, decisions and different states of being. We are in constant flux and change. We are fluid some times and rigid at others. This is who we are. We affect those around us. We are affected by those around us. We are moved deeply to emotions at times, at others we are barely phased. This is what makes us human. We are individuals with the greater whole. We live in a world of causality. Our words, our actions, our emotions have an effect on the greater whole.
Take a moment and pause long enough to tap into your humanity. What state of being are you in? How are you affecting the collective whole? Would you want to be your friend right now? What could you do for those around you? How can you be of service?
Do not let the human condition change your human condition
Over the last few months, I have fallen into a crisis of priorities. I do this every few years it seems. I get caught up in the excitement of something new and forget the basics and what it is I truly desire for me. Let me give you an example.
I set goals for myself this year to increase the number of Twitter followers and really ramp up my YouTube channel with videos. I am a teacher and love sharing what I learn with others. I desired to spend lots of time at the beach and really rest this summer to get ready for the upcoming fall season of Toastmasters because another goal I have is to win the 2017 Toastmasters International Speaking Contest. In case you haven't noticed, I am also someone who loves to try different activities. I want to experience life as much as possible.
Right...so I have these goals and desires. What really happened? In my day job, I got an increase in responsibilities and two new managers and I somehow felt I needed to prove myself to these two and produce the results they were expecting. Outcome: cancelled vacation twice to work on deadlines that suddenly appeared, worked 14 hour days even on weekends and basically gave up on my goals and desires to help some otherwise very wealthy gentleman make even more money while I got no extra compensation for my efforts. Definition of insanity, yes!? Definite yes.
Why do I do it? Why do I allow myself to fall into this cycle? Am I afraid of reaching the goals I set for myself? Do I self-sabotage? I have been known to do that. There are times I reach goals and other times where I don't. Am I ready for the current goals I have set for myself? I know I have much to learn and a lot of growing to do and I am good for it. I love healing and facing fears. Lot of questions to ask myself and to seek answers for. As part of my usual cycle of falling blind to my own desires and goals in order to impress others, awakening to my actions and recovering from them takes me to a place of peace and confidence in knowing I am growing. I now turning inwards to channel my energies towards what is truly important to me. I will continue to work diligently for my day job because it's my personality to do so but gone will be the 14 hour days, the cancelled vacations and the working weekends. In place, I turn my gaze towards my goals and desires and remember to have fun in the process.
Yes, I do experience critical moments of imbalances in my life but isn't that all part of being human and experiencing life? It truly does make me appreciate my own growth, my own humanity and my desire for great experiences. It certainly adds excitement to life doesn't it?
Message from Elohim:
"The human race struggles constantly with the need to do, the need to be, the need for this and the need for that. The truth is that you need nothing for your existence but the fact that you strive is what makes you human. The trees do not strive, they simply are. The animals do not strive, they simply are. Humans are unique in that perspective. It is to live life fully with many experiences that is the core of being human. Love who you are. Love humanity. Love your capacity to feel, react, be and do. Love humanity."
There are great adventures in the world, in the heart and in the mind. Doing what you feel is right in the moment is what is necessary even if it means working 14 hour days to prove yourself to others. There is a reason I did this. Perhaps some day I will know why but until then, I am off to the beach. Who's in?