This belief explains why I cannot seem to stick with things very long. I begin the process of learning something or creating something new and I am very excited. I throw my whole being into this process of creation, learn what I need to learn, develop the skills necessary to continue creating and then lose the passion. It has been this way as long as I can remember in this lifetime. I am always asking myself why I cannot stick to one activity, one thing before becoming bored or seeing it as a pain. Now I have my answer: I believe creation is a burden.
Creation includes hobbies, life, humanity, evolution, all of it. It is a burden.
Obviously, I will be healing this belief and replacing it with the truth but before I do that, I desire to explore where this belief came from. Being curious, I like to know these things. Let me share with you what I found.
I asked my soul to take me to the very first time I ever believed creation was a burden and magic started to happen. My soul took me to a place before time began, before the earth, universe and everything we see around us existed. There were three beings: Creator, She and The Ancient One.
She is the feminine aspect of life and loves creation because she is a creator herself. The feminine embraces life and all that is. She is the nurturer, the mother, the peacemaker, the comfort for the woes of the world.
The Ancient One is the masculine aspect of life. It is from him I descend. Prior to creation of the world, there was space both singular and infinitesimally small yet huge beyond human comprehension at the same time. It was all and nothing. It was life and death, light and dark, peace and love. It was beautiful and brought me to tears of deep joy and incredible peace. I, however, am not a nurturer/creator, I am type A driven personality who would rather have a career than be a stay at home mom. Masculine energy!? Yup, got it in spades.
As I basked in the nothingness and knowingness that was existence at that time, I saw a white light suddenly spark in the distance, heard a faint pop and then energy waves resonated in all directions. Suddenly, everything we know and see today expanded rapidly to fill the space. Science claims all we know was built and expanded over millions and billions of years. From what I experienced, it was instantaneous. This is my truth.
All I know is, in a mere smidge of a moment, my nothingness was filled with something and I believed it to be an intrusion, an invasion of my beautiful center of being. I asked Creator why he would do this and his response: creation is an expansion of love.
Providing no reply to Creator's comment, I could feel myself watching the goings on of creation and without exception, each race/sentient being world began to "evolve" from child-like wonder and love to intolerant, cruel and confused "knowledge" filled individuals to finally "enlightened" beings understanding that love is the only truth and we are all connected. Also, without exception, I voluntarily helped each world through to final stage to enlightenment because my whole goal, even in this lifetime, is to seek peace again. If you ask me what I am looking for, peace would be my answer. I am doing what is necessary to find peace.
One major insight I had while processing that lifetime: my feminine side loves creating and nurturing but my very strong masculine side eventually rears its head to remind me of my belief that creation is a burden and why bother?
I very much admire people who can continue to create and hone their craft over many, many years. Their passion for creating never seems to wane and yet I get bored with it and walk away. Now, I understand why.
Belief is always healed by the truth and my truth is that creation is a beautiful expression of who I am as an individual. Creation is how I leave my mark on the world and hopefully bring the world one step closer to the "enlightened" state of love and connectedness so we can once again experience the vastness and smallness of existence.
While I toddle off and begin forgiving creation for being here and ruining my day and begin forgiving Creator for making this mess, I ask you to consider your thoughts on creation. Burden or beauty?