I am reflecting on the last year and the change the year has brought to my life. I opened a holistic healing boutique (www.InspiredYouBoutique.com) which is now moving to a new location (to be announced soon) and in its place, my husband and I are opening a bistro. We are very excited about it! (www.BlackTieBistro.com).
During this past year, I have made many new friends and lost a couple of dear ones. I have released and healed many fears and beliefs and gained a new level of confidence, trust and faith in who I am as an individual and most noticeably, I have gained a deep understanding, trust and love for my husband and partner, Allan. (If you really want to test the bounds of your partnership with anyone, open a business...)
Finally, the faith, trust and hope is have experienced with the universe and Creator over the last year has been a true roller coaster ride. I have had many meltdowns and as many moments of true clarity where knowing all is as it should be and I am just fine.
As I witness the transition of the boutique, I am reminded that nothing stays the same and if you fight to stay the same and don't move with the flow and transition as you are guided, what you have built or are building will stagnate and die. Large corporations certainly understand this hence the reason they change their branding, their offerings, their advertising, etc. If large corporations understand this and we know they do because we are the people they market to, how come as individuals, we do not do this for ourselves?
Why do we fit ourselves into a mold and stay there? This I never understood. My father worked in the same job for 35 years and I can tell you he did not enjoy his job. He went through the motions for many years not really engaging in what he was doing. In hindsight, I know he did that because he needed to support his family and he believed that is what was necessary to make it happen. How many dreams do people give up because they are afraid of breaking the mold and creating a new one?
A friend said to me the other day that I am fearless...I do whatever I want without hesitation regardless of the potential outcome. I smiled and thanked her for the compliment and in my mind, I was giggling because fearless is not a word I would associate with myself. I have fears I am still healing but what I have learned is that fear can be healed and overcome. My greatest desire is to live a full life and trying new adventures is what I am all about. I have sold insurance, promotional products, linens and tablecloths, participated in a couple of network marketing businesses (I love network marketing!!) and many others I cannot remember. Each adventure helping me grow and encounter new experiences.
With the death of Robin Williams, I was deeply moved and shaken. I do not know why because I did not know the man personally but it did. It also reinforced my desire to try what I would have perceived before as impossible and risky. Sure, opening a bistro has risks but so does crossing the street. Sure, it costs money and according to stats, the risk of failure is extremely high. I do not focus on that. I focus on the journey to making this bistro work. What synchronistic events will happen to bring me the perfect chef for our bistro? How will the universe manifest an industrial dishwasher? How are all of the disparate pieces of this adventure going to finally come together?
It is these questions and more that keep me getting out of bed in the morning and excited for the day. It is knowing that miracles are wrought in every second of every day. It is making the impossible happen in the face of risks and doubts. It is knowing that this is leading to bigger and better. A single bistro is already being envisioned as a chain of bistros with the next location already being scouted. It is knowing that I am far to stretched to go back to the way I used to be and it is knowing that people will come and go in my life and being okay with that. Do I miss the friends I have lost? Sure I do but I also know it was meant to be. If they are angry with me, that is for them to heal. I love them and thank them for what they have brought to my life and I gently release them to the universe.
What do you get up in the morning for? What makes you excited to be alive? If you do not have anything, get something. Enjoy the adventure of being human. Enjoy the adventure of being you. Create your own miracles during the day and by all that is holy, stop holding on to anger, fear and mistrust. Let it all go. You will thank me in the long run...
It is when someone dies that we begin to take stock of our lives and face, a little bit more than usual, our mortality. Several well known people have died over the last couple of days and many others, not so well known but still well loved, have also died leaving a gap in the world. This gap cannot quite be filled because each person was truly unique and played a unique role in our lives and at the same time, new people enter our lives to help us transition into yet another phase of what we call the human existence.
It is in helping others through the passing of a loved one that Creator has taught me a truth so profound that I am eager to share with others: when someone we know and love passes, we mourn them but not for them but for ourselves. Certainly we are sad because we cannot speak to these people in person or hug them or laugh with them but the truly impact they have on us is what they represented in our lives that we know believe we have lost.
Let me give you an example. My grandmother passed away on my birthday in 2007. While many would perceive this as a tragedy, I actually see it as a gift. I loved my grandmother beyond the bounds of this life and I will always be able to celebrate her life and mine at the same time. We were intertwined at a very deep level so this is only fitting. When she passed, I mourned her deeply for a few years and realized what I mourned was my perception that I lost the peace she represented to me in life. Without her around, who could I go to to find peace!? Now, of course, the obvious answer is myself.
I needed to give myself the peace that I was taking from her because indeed that is what I did. When my life was turbulent, I used to call her up to ensure she was home and make a beeline for her door when she was. I would hibernate in her apartment for a few hours until I felt the peace restored in me and then I would say good-bye. I sucked from her what I needed. Of course, I never took the time to identify why I needed her so much and quite frankly, I was not awake or aware enough at that time to even notice that I did that. I suspect, however, that my grandmother did and in her wisdom, she never said a word because she knew I would feel immensely guilty about using her that way.
Suddenly, she was gone. Who could I suck peace from now?
Through my grandmother's passing I learned to identify what she represented to me in life and I gifted myself with that "thing", that need, that whatever it was. Only then, could I truly release her so she could continue on her next journey to be with Creator and review/plan whatever it is they do on the other side. Now, I continue to feel her loss but it is with deep joy and love and not pain and sorrow. She was a teacher in life and a teacher in death for which I am extremely grateful.
I leave you with this: think about someone who has passed and pinpoint what they represented to you in life. Once you have identified that, ask yourself what it is you can do for yourself to give yourself that quality. For me, my grandmother represented peace and in order to give myself peace in my life, I chose not to engage in drama, I chose to eliminate all unnecessary activities, I stopped taking ownership on other people's emotions and lives and most of all, I learned to say no. It is not the yes/no decision that causes drama in ones life, it is the outcome of that yes/no decision...
I desire peace, love and joy for myself and you so forgive quickly and completely.
When I was younger, I lived in the moment. My furthest project of thought was to the start of the next school year and at the end of June, the following September seemed so far away!
As I entered my teenage years, I was told to begin thinking about the future. What is it that I wanted to do with the rest of my life? What kind of career did I want? Strangely enough, I still could not think long term because I was always focused on September as the starting point of something new. I allowed myself to be influenced by others and ended up taking computer science. While I enjoyed the experience and I am grateful for being in such a lucrative field of study and work, if I could reverse time, I would have chosen a very different profession. Once again, no regrets because computer science has brought me to where I am today, for which I am grateful.
As I completed schooling and entered work and began to have businesses, I am guided by mentors to do 6 month, 1 year and 5 year plans. I am also told to plan for retirement in 40 years time. At this point, a brick wall seemed to loom ahead of me. I appeared to be incapable of thinking that far ahead. I was trying to keep my life together at that and people were wanting me to project into the future?
I truly admire the people who are able to do this but I just cannot seem to see beyond September...
Even today, I get butterflies in my stomach at the beginning of school time. When I see the children heading for the bus stop, I get so excited and have to stop myself from grabbing a lunch box, a school bag and running to the bus stop with them. Remember, hold the handle when getting on an off the bus! Instructions from long ago still echoing through my head clear as a bell. Ironically, I could not tell you what I did yesterday though...
And so you have it. I am unable to live my life into the future and yet today, I am a project manager for a very large software company. I am able to plan, set timelines, identify risks, gather a team of subject matter experts and drive to completion of a project for this company but I am not able to do it for my life.
My husband said something very significant the other day that brought clarity to my dilemma about setting goals into the future: "we have plans about what we think we want to do and leave ourselves open to the possibility of better. And that is what we get...better."
Exactly! The projects I manage for the software company are usually other people's idea and projections so the company can make money. I take their ideas and projections and make them a reality in that company. The projects I manage for my life are Creator's ideas and projections so I can grow, learn, heal and love...and make money (this subject will be my next blog). Creator rarely gives me the projected outcome or deliverable of the idea or project because that is always changing depending on what I learn and how quickly I heal.
Now to tie the two dispirit thoughts together. September is coming and Creator is giving me ideas and projections. New beginning, new start and a new direction all wrapped up in one amazing bundle. I am so excited about what is already here and what is to come. The start of something new.
When is your start of something new? Do you ever get the sense that you can start something new any time you desire or do you feel the obligation of having to do the same thing all the time? Allow yourself the rush and excitement of something new... a new endeavour, a new adventure, a new life. It is all there for you. Truly it is.
Empathy is a trait deeply embedded in every living being's DNA. It is not strictly a human trait. Don't believe me? Watch all of the videos on Facebook about dogs rescuing dogs and cats cuddling with crying babies. These are all great examples of animals feeling empathy. The irony is the animals know they are empathic but many humans don't realize that they themselves are empathic too.
We see empathy as a weakness when in fact, it is an incredible strength. Even more powerful is a human who is aware of their empathic side and uses that gift to bring love and light to the world.
Growing up, I was very sensitive to everyone around me and would often appear out of control emotionally and mentally. I was even brought to a child psychologist when I was young because I was so angry and "out of control." Everyone tip toed around me because no one seemed to know what would trigger me or set me off. I didn't even know...life was a mess, unbearable and confusing. It also didn't help when my parents were telling me not to be so sensitive, to grow a thicker skin, life would run over me if I didn't toughen up...
Wow...I get emotional thinking about that time of great hurt and confusion. I did very self-destructive behaviours I am still healing from. I ate my way through childhood. I bit my nails down to the quick, I wet my bed until about 12, I cried myself to sleep most nights and just basically hated myself and everything about me. All of this hidden behind a smile.
I remember the moment when I looked myself in the mirror and said "no one really cares about me and how I feel so I am just going to smile." And smile I did. Laugh I did. Cry I did but only in private. Everyone commented about how beautiful my smile was and how much I laughed, how loud and infectious my laugh was. No one ever said how beautiful my tears were and how infectious my crying was.
Underneath it all however, I was still the very sensitive empath. The magnet for everyone's emotions, thoughts, feelings and physical pains. Generations of anger was my burden to carry until I learned to deal with my empathy. I learned to understand what being empathic meant and how to manage this gift...for it is truly a gift.
I am feeling compelled to share the raw truth with you today because it is important for you to understand that you are not alone. There are others like you out there experiencing the same feelings, the same emotions, the same doubts, the same everything as you...
As much as it pained me a few years ago, I realized that if I wanted my life to get better and to be different from the misery I had been experiencing, I alone had to choose to heal myself. I alone had to make the decisions necessary to heal. I played victim for a while rebelling against the idea that I was responsible for my miserable life and my life would be different if he hadn't said or done that to me, if she hadn't laughed at me, blah blah blah. Once I finally decided to take back my own power and make decisions for myself, life started to calm down. I started to live in the peace I desired for myself and started to truly love myself for the first time ever.
When I was miserably unhappy, everyone loved me. Now that I am standing in my power and doing my thing, some people don't like me and I am okay with that. I have learned I am not here to win a popularity contest. I am here to live my life for the glory of God and to be the messenger and teacher He desires for me to be. Do I piss you off? Good! What do you need to heal?
If you finally want to get a handle on your empathy, I can help you with that. If you want to heal yourself, I can help you with that too. If you want to continue living in misery, there is nothing I can do for you and I won't live in misery with you. What purpose would that serve? I love you too much to leave you in your misery. If you desire to hang out with me, you will have to learn to heal and love it. I love you unconditionally and I desire for you to do the same.
Can you imagine the whole world getting a hold of their empathic abilities and choosing to be around people who love instead of angry people who choose to hate? How incredible it would be to amplify unconditional love around the world to the point where fear has no place. Light brightens every dark corner so fear cannot take hold. Just imagine...
As I was doing dishes today, I flashed to a picture I saw on Facebook. The picture had a number of protesters holding placards and shouting. The caption on the photo read: "Number of bills today to control women's bodies: 631 Number of bills today to control men's bodies: 0."
This flash then brought me back to a conversation I had had with my father a number of years ago when the debate on abortion raged in Canada. He believed abortion should be illegal because there is no reason for a woman to have an abortion today (his words). In my youth, I was far more vocal about my beliefs that I am today (no less passionate however) so I let fly my very vocal opposition to that statement: What about a young girl who has been raped? What about a young lady who had a relationship and the man left as soon as he found out he was going to be a daddy? She would be left alone raising a child in a society that frowns upon such things and provides the barest of support if any at all. The boyfriend is long gone spreading his seed wherever he chooses without any reprisals... You get the point.
I am not sure if my father has changed his beliefs or not but that is not for me to judge or try to change it for him. The reason I am bringing this forward at this time is while I contemplated the picture and the conversation with my father, Creator very quietly and gently stated the following:
"Man is trying to control creation."
Boom baby! Now, I want to be very clear on this point. This is not a general statement creator is making here. It is a very pointed statement about our need to create and be in control of everything around us.
In talking with my husband about this, he stated very pointedly that men do not have the understanding of how to truly create life, that is a woman's role. She is the creator, the nurturer and by trying to control her and her body, some men are indeed trying to control creation. Be clear now, I said SOME men.
Many men I know venerate women for the creators they are but many of these men are not the policy makers and the vote getters... There are indeed men in power at this time who are helping to tip the balance back in favour of women but this will not be easily done unless there is a concerted ground roots effort from everyone, men and women on this issue to bring the issue to a critical mass and gently tip the scale in favour of natural creation.
Message from Creator:
"Humankind has always felt the need to create whether it be art, machines, themselves or others in their own image. It has been a deep yearning throughout millenia that has driven men to extremes and pushed beyond the bounds of what is perceived to be human limitation. While, in many instances, this has been beneficial in teaching about the limitless of the human capacity, it has also unknowingly upset the balance between what is and what should be. Creation is a fine balance between all living things, not just between humans. It is when creation is allowed to happen naturally that balance will be reset. This includes both the creation of life and the understanding that human existence does end and the creation of a new life in a new state begins."
Yup, folks! Death of the human body is creation as well! Think about it.
As we continue to journey in this thing we call life, many insights will be made available to us if we are aware of ourselves and what is all around us. I invite you to create naturally. You are creative you know...so go create. Do not control.