More and more I lose sight of my blessings and focus on the negatives. I tell myself I should know better because I have healed many fears and beliefs, broken many vows and released a lot of promises but it does not seem to matter. I am irritable at those I love and I sometimes find it hard to focus on the activities necessary to do my job. This new behaviour is totally out of character for me so what is going on? Do I have something that needs healing?
Undoubtedly I have something that needs healing. Everything I have described points directly to adrenal fatigue and a pretty nasty case of it at that. There are other people with much more severe cases out there who are not even aware of what is afflicting them. For them, I have an immense amount of respect because I am trying to figure out how they are getting through their every day.
I am grateful for this hiccup though because it gives me hope for the future.
Before I knew about adrenal fatigue, I was worried about spending the rest of my life in this state and wondering what I could do to change it. Now I have a game plan. This suits my type A personality very nicely. I have a plan to do nothing so I can get better and be better! I am so excited. Like anything I do, it will take me a while to move into a new routine and I have no doubt I will soon be mastering the art of doing nothing but sitting on my back deck and staring at the sky. Have you ever stared at the sky? It is quite fascinating to do. Even if you think there is nothing up there, you can find the tiniest movements...try it and let me know what you see.
Even if you do not see anything (which I doubt) staring at the sky shifts your focus to how fantastical the world we live in truly is and how limitless and abundant. We are, if we allow ourselves to be, the same...limitless and abundant. We can take a much needed deep breath and connect with nature. Have you ever paused to listen to the birds? They can tell you so much. I now know when a bird of prey is in the area. I know the defensive mechanisms used by various species of birds. I know who is married to who this year and where they have made their homes. All from the comfort of my own back dec. The hidden world in plain sight.
I have to let you in on a little secret. In my previous blog, I spoke of my passion for writing. I am planning a series of new books based on the past life work I have done for myself and for others. I am so very excited about it and the characters are coming to life. Once again, from the comfort of my own back deck.
A big part of my journey has been accepting that I am here. Now. I do not yet know my life purpose although I sense the truth will soon be revealed. I accepted my existence about 5 years ago but I have been slow to change the habits that have driven my life to that point. The "keep busy to avoid myself" syndrome is deeply ingrained and now I come full circle. I am facing myself and having to make the necessary changes in order to live the second half of my life with the understanding that a higher purpose is what I am here to fulfill. A purpose that transcends my own existence..
I do not yet know what the future has in store but that is now irrelevant since it will come to me in its own time. The present is real and here now.
I wish you all a blessed day.
It has been a while since I have posted a blog even though I love doing it. I love everything writing, everything spiritual, everything mystical, everything shamanic...everything! Did I say everything? Okay, I think I have made my point. The question I then ask myself is if I love it so much, how come these things I love do not stay at the top of my priority list?
Am I the only one who loses sight of priorities? It does not take me long to write a blog so why am I not finding the time during the day to get it done? Sure, I could come up with a number of excuses as to why I have not blogged for such a long time but I am not about excuses for myself. I am about truth and if I am being truthful, it is really because I was tired.
Emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually I was tired. I realized I have been running on high flight or fright mode for almost all of my 50 years and it finally caught up to me. I couldn't keep up the pace and my entire being told me so. The way it told me was by refusing to move anymore. I was witnessing some depression. I am starting to sleep in later and take naps during the day. These activities are highly unusual for me, I now flop into bed early and promptly fall asleep. A few nights ago my husband had an entire conversation with himself only realizing I was asleep when I didn't put in the required "yes dear", "no honey", "that's very interesting." (Don't misunderstand, my husband and I have extremely interesting and intriguing conversations, just not that night.)
It is important from time to time to take stock of my priorities. It startled me to realize that my self was excluded from that list. How come? Self-care is one of the primary teachings of mine and is a subject I promote to everyone. Healer, heal thyself, right? Not only was I NOT top priority on my own list, I was not even on it!!
Did I love myself as much as I loved everything writing, spiritual, mystical, shamanic, etc? The answer I came up with was a firm no, I did not! Now, I was getting to the heart of the matter. I still have something to heal around self-love and when I began listening to my body and its needs rather than ignoring it or drugging it with food as I have done in the past, I realized how imbalanced I am.
I healed a great deal spiritually, emotionally and mentally but physically, I was still needing to do a lot of work. I have branded 2016 as the "Year of the Body" and my focus will be to (1) put myself on the top of my priority list (2) focus on the activities that bring me great joy (3) do the necessary in my job to ensure I remain employed (something else to heal here soon) and (4) release that which no longer serves me..
With renewed clarity and priorities, I am off to walk my dog, take a nap, write my new book and oh yes, maybe work for a few hours. Yup! Sounds good to me.
Have a blessed day!