As I sit in my office and contemplate what to blog about, I realize how peaceful my life has become. When I think back to who I was (or who I believed I was) prior to the healing journey, I am amazed at how I could have functioned being so ungrounded, so fearful and unworthy of the life Creator had blessed me with. The extra sadness came from being an empath and not knowing it.
I left my parent's house when I was 19 to go to University. In Ontario at the time, we had grade 13 and university came after. My mother told me the house and the family took a collective sigh of relief when I left and it appeared that everyone had been holding their breath not sure when I would suddenly fly off the handle and not knowing what provoked me. If they were living life in fear of upsetting me, you can imagine what it was like being me. Not know what would provoke me and living like my brain was always moving, on the go, dramatic, over the top and always crying. How I hated the crying. It seemed like crying was my only companion in the early years.
I spent much time alone growing up. I found refuge in books and paper dolls. I used to love to dress up the dolls. They had such beautiful costumes and ball gowns and such. I suspect those dolls helped me tap a past life where I felt beautiful, loved and cherished, instead of emotional, dumpy and bullied. How wonderful it must have been to be able to dress in beautiful outfits and dance with handsome gentlemen! Sigh...
So now I have come full circle. I do spend much time alone with my husband and I find the quiet healing and soothing. It is still a refuge but it is a healing refuge. I honour the work I do on behalf of Creator and I am humbled by the people who come forward looking for healing and at the end of the day, it is wonderful knowing I can recharge and connect with myself in the haven that is my home.
I learned very quickly that when I heal something, Creator puts people in front of me with the same thing to heal and I am able to help them. These people also confirm for me the healing that I have done for myself because I reflect back to them peace and the knowing that they too can heal and this fear too shall pass if they would allow themselves to heal.
Many people have recently told me how peaceful they feel when they leave the boutique or when they have finished speaking with me and that is because I radiate peace. I am balanced and healed. When I feel something coming up for healing, I do the best I can to heal quickly and decisively. I do what is necessary to get back to balance and be healed. It is a gift I give myself and I love showing to others that it is possible to live an exciting and rewarding peace filled life. It does not mean life does not happen, it simply means I deal with it much better because the perspective I have on life events has been significantly altered by the healing I have done. It is truly a state I wish for everyone to experience.
With that, I shall end this blog entry. There not much to say when you are in a state of peace because you accept all that is, exactly the way it is and there is no need for explanation. It is when the being is out of balance when excuses are required to justify who you are, where you are, what you are doing and ...
Breathe. Love. Heal.
There is great joy in having a large extended family and there is also great sorrow when one of those family members transitions from this lifetime. (I used to call it death until I understood that we truly do not die, we simply change form.)
Many emotions are involved when someone we know or love transitions but somehow, many people try to suppress how they are truly feeling. They suppress their anger and disappointment and pretend all is well. In the meantime, anger is roiling inside of them and will eventually make itself known in outbursts and even as imbalances in the body otherwise known as diseases.
As a medium, I am often asked to connect with people who have transitioned to ensure they are at peace and no longer suffering and most of the time the response is yes, they are at peace and no, they are not suffering. Whew! The person asking takes a deep breath of relief and is now satisfied. In the few minutes that follow I watch the emotions pass over their face and I feel the suppressed emotions begin to broil to the surface. I wait in silence wondering how long it will take for the person in front of me to begin expressing how they truly feel about the loved one that has passed.
Generally, I do not have to wait long and for those that are more practiced at hiding their emotions, one or two well posed questions will manage to pop the cork on the volcano of emotions and the eruption starts. The wonderfully healing eruption of suppressed emotions in a safe and non-judgmental environment.
Where did we get the belief we are not allowed to be angry at dead people? Seriously?
I say this with all humbleness and respect, dead people truly don't mind you getting mad at them. They won't hold a grudge. They are in pure spirit form and are back with Creator. They do not have the capacity to do anything other than love you unconditionally. You, however, are still in human form with an ego and a plethora of emotions. You must allow yourself to feel what you feel. You must allow yourself to express your emotions in a safe and nurturing way. Remember the golden rule: feel how you feel but you DO NOT have the right to take your emotions out on other people.
Once you have expressed your emotions, you can begin the healing process. It has been my personal experience and my experience in working with others that healing is only possible once we achieve forgiveness. We forgive the people who have died for leaving us. (Let's be honest. When we mourn at someone's passing, we are not mourning for them, we mourn for ourselves and our loss.)
So how do we get from what we are feeling to forgiveness? We get there by understanding what the person who has transitioned represented to us while they were with us.
For example, my grandmother in life represented peace and when she transitioned, I had a belief I would never experience peace in my life again because she was gone. How dare she take my peace away from me?
Once I acknowledged I was angry and feeling sorry for myself at her loss, I began the work of identifying what I had to now do for myself in order to bring peace back in to my life. I had to start by defining what peace meant for me and what it looked like. The definition had to be detailed and specific. The actions to take had to be meaningful and when executed, must have the desired result of bringing peace to my life. Once I had a clear definition, I could execute and achieve the defined and desired peace. This then brought me to gratefulness and forgiveness. I am grateful to my grandmother for holding peace in my life until I could find it for myself and I also forgive her for leaving me when she did because I was not ready for her to go (are we ever?).
Between the time she transitioned and I acknowledged my anger and loss was a period of two years. During that time, when I thought about her, I would feel sadness and some level of joy since she had been wanting to transition for a few years before she actually did. She was tired and pretty much done with this lifetime. I was still unable to let her go.
I am grateful to Creator for guiding me in this process of healing and I offer the guidance to you. When someone you know has transitioned, here are the following steps you could follow to help you heal:
1. Acknowledge their passing and how you feel.
2. Find some way of expressing how you feel in a safe and nurturing environment.
3. Identify what this person represented to you in life.
4. Articulate and define what you can do for yourself to bring that representation back to yourself.
5. Forgive. Forgive them for leaving, forgive yourself for being angry/sad/whatever about their leaving and ask them to forgive you for whatever you believe you could have done for them but didn't while they were still alive.
From experience, the above steps work. I does not mean we stop missing the people who have transitioned but it does mean we no longer having a gaping wound either.
As my journey continues, I have had to heal many deep and painful wounds, fears and worries. I have also had to let go of attachments to many dear people. These were requested by Creator and as I have dedicated my life to doing what it is in the highest good, I made the choice to heal what was necessary to do Creator's bidding and help people on their journey.
There were times where I rebelled at the idea of healing attachments to people I love because I feared it meant walking away from them. Creator has always told me and continues to tell me to this day that I would never be asked to leave anyone, that would be a choice that would make. What did Creator ask me for then? Creator asked me to release the attachments, the hold I had on others and that others had on me. Why? Because we were holding each other back and taking each other's power.
I remember the time when Creator told me I needed to move out west. Yup, no problem. I will make arrangements for Allan and I and help David find himself a job out there, register for special olympics, find a community....what!? What do you mean David cannot come with us? (Begin hyperventilating now...)
David had been an extension of me since he was born. He was the reason I did many things in my life and everything I did was for him and helping him to live his life. How could I possible abandon my son now and leave him behind? Who would take care of him? How would he survive this harsh cruel world without me? This was not fair, Creator! Just not fair, damn it!
This was, by far, the most difficult exercise Creator requested of me on this journey. I knew Creator had a bigger purpose in mind so I turned my ego away from fearing the future and leaving David behind to focus on WHY leaving David behind while Allan and I moved out west was such a big deal. I began writing down the questions that came to mind:
Who was I without David? I had been David's mother for almost 18 years at that point.
Was I hiding behind David and his differences as an excuse for me not to do what I know was required of me in this lifetime?
Instead of him being able to function without me, the question was could I truly function without him?
These were the big questions. There were a few more questions that came forward that required addressing and healing but these were the big ones.
Over the next few months, I worked on identifying the root causes of these questions I had around David and others around me. I healed my need to use David as a lifeline and a shield from life in general. I healed my need to use David as an excuse for not achieving what I had envisioned for my life. I healed. The bonus was that David healed too.
Unknowingly, I had placed myself as a burden on David because he was busy propping me up in my insecurities that he too was not able to live his life as he envisioned. He would not take risks and chances fearing I would be unhappy about it. What business is it of mine if he chooses certain directions? In all my best intentions of raising a young man to live his life to the fullest, I had missed a key part...me! Yes, David loves to take chances and he is extremely successful at everything he does...when I get out of his way!
Once I fully healed and cut the attachments between us, David became a new person. I could see his energy lift and his outlook brighten. I had removed the burden I had unknowingly placed on his and watched him morph into a most amazing individual. His life had finally and truly begun.
Today, I do the same with my husband. The man I most dearly love in all of this world and beyond. I was guided by Creator to release my attachments to him and get out of his way so he can finally live life without worrying about me. He can finally be responsible for himself only and not be responsible for me. As I am releasing the attachments, I am watching a man finally flourish and free himself from what he has known his whole life...responsibility for others rather than living his true life of being responsible for himself alone and responsible to others in the role he chooses to play for them.
Releasing the attachments was difficult and painful but truly well worth the journey. Many tears were shed but they were tears of fear. Now, many smiles are had because I have the best of both worlds. A husband and son who are loving life and living it as they choose and an unconditional love for both and from both. What more can a girl ask for?
You too can live your life free of attachments. Free yourself. Heal yourself. Free others around you.
Last night, I had an enlightened moment. I thought I was going to be 47 this year but actually, I am going to be 48 years old. Where had I lost the year?
I had the realization that this lifetime is probably more than half over. I do not know when this lifetime will be complete and truly it is irrelevant. All I know at this point is that it is time to pull out all the stops.
It is truly time to live life balls out all the way and not be afraid of anything for there is nothing to be afraid of.
I begin to ask myself if the expression "youth is wasted on the young and wisdom is wasted on the old" is true. Upon reflection, I find that the expression is not true at all. I love being young and wise at the same time. We do not have a narrow vision of youth unless we choose that. We do not have a narrow vision of wisdom unless we choose that. I know people who are young in human years who exhibit wisdom way beyond their years.
So, what am I trying to say? Let go of any beliefs you have about having missed opportunities for success in your life. Let go of any beliefs you've made many mistakes in your life. Let go of any beliefs life will never be the same as when you were younger.
My comment to you and my realization I had last night is it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. The past is the past and the future is yet unwritten. What is your story going to be?
I love who I have become and what I do in service to others. I know I am divinely guided and supported. Money doesn't matter...it is simply paper. Love is truly all there is.
I own a beautiful boutique guided by Creator and I am very blessed to do what I do in that space however, I have learned that even the boutique is temporary. The boutique will grow and change and morph into what it needs to be. I am even prepared to walk away from the boutique if it is in the highest good because I know Creator will give me something else to do in service of people and him. (Of course, Creator is masculine/feminine balance of life and all that is but out of habit, I refer to Creator as he. I do not mean to offend anyone and truly, it doesn't matter how I refer to Creator does it? Creator doesn't care so why should I?)
As I look forward to the next couple of days, I am constantly marveling at the magic of Creator's work all around me and I am humbled by the small part I play in the greater good. It truly is rewarding watching those who ask for help evolve, learn to love themselves for exactly who they are and then in turn, teach others to love themselves too.
It is with this magic around me that I humbly surrender my life to Creator to continue the work Creator is looking to do on this Earth and cannot unless there are willing vessels he can use. I suggest to you strongly to open yourself up to the possibilities only Creator can provide. You really don't understand the breadth of options and choices there are out there unless you surrender yourself to the limitlessness of your being.
As I read over this post, I pray the passion for surrender to Creator and the greatest good comes through and reaches deep in to your heart. It is within you to live the life you were meant to live and to create the life Creator wishes for you.
In this post, we are going to talk about divine time and the human condition. In today's age, we are so used to having instant feedback and gratification on everything we do.
Technology has made this happen for us and while at times it can be a great advantage such as in medical test results and other potentially life threatening situations, for many other aspects of our lives, the need for instant feedback can be very frustrating. I am speaking in particular about our spiritual journey.
When we begin to tap our spiritual side, we bring with us our need to have instant answers and instant healing to all that ails us. This is the way we live and why shouldn't we expect the same when we begin our spiritual journey, right? Well, the truth is actually the opposite.
It has been my experience that if we truly knew what experiences we were going to have and the directions we would be taking on this journey, we would be overwhelmed! We would dig in the heels doing our best to prevent the inevitable OR we would be doing everything possible to get there as quickly as possible so we can take a deep breath and say "there...that's done. What's next?" We would miss so much about the nuances of this journey and all of the subtleties that go with it. Not only that, there is also the potential of hurting ourselves by trying to force the journey in directions we are not meant to go.
It is like looking at a map when we want to travel from one location to another. A map provides several options to get from point A to point B but which direction is the best one? Are there diversions on the road the map does not tell us about? Do we have pit stops we need to make along the way? Is there perhaps another route we could possibly take the map is not showing us? All of these questions cannot be answered with the information we have at hand. These questions can only be answered by Creator and the other guides who step forward to help us on our journey.
One of the most popular questions I get from people on this journey (both new and experienced) is "How long with this take!?" Another very common question is "when will I find out what my life purpose is?" Ah! The impatience of youth! HA!
And of course, the answer to those questions are as flavourful as a mouth full of sawdust. You will have your answers in "divine time." Okay. What in the world does that mean!? In the past, that answer would make me want to throw a temper tantrum and hold my breath until someone gives me a more definite answer. Of course, the answer would never come when I demanded they come and I had obvious control issues I needed to heal.
In the past, I used to dread skeptics believing they were narrow minded and really didn't see the big picture. I, of course, loved believers because they were enlightened and I could relate to them.
The truth, however, is very different. I have found in my experience, there is no difference between skeptics and believers. It was simply a label I chose to assign to people based on how they spoke and what they said. As I healed my fear of judgment and my fear of being alone, I found that skeptics and believers all speak the same language but my focus at the time dictated who was a skeptic and who was a believer.
By definition, a skeptic is "a person inclined to question or doubt all accepted opinions." A believer is "a person who believes that a specified thing is effective, proper or desirable." When comparing the two, a believer is someone who made a decision about some information they've heard and a skeptic is someone who has NOT YET made a decision about the same information.
My goal and desire is to move both skeptics and believers into a place of knowing, a place of peace and balance where thought is not necessary. Where you KNOW all is as it should be, everyone around you is a teacher and the truth is love.
Today, I love skeptics and believers. I welcome their questions and their inquiries. This is an opportunity for dialogue and it is not my place or intention to change their mind or make them believe something different. My intention is to have them question their beliefs, find their truth whatever that truth is so they can identify blocks and fears holding them back from achieving their potential and living the life they desire for themselves.
It is important to question what you believe. Beliefs change over time and truth stands the test of time. Beliefs keep people out of balance because when faced with another potentially stronger argument, they can chose to modify their beliefs and this shifts their paradigm of life, their way of living and thinking.
Absolute truth cannot be shifted or changed, it just is. You can change your life at any time, it is simply a decision but when you live in truth, the decision to change will always be in harmony with the highest good. When you live life based on beliefs, changing your life cannot be done at any time, it can only be done when you believe "the time is right" or when your life matches what you "expect out life." It is when you trust your life is exactly as it should be in every moment, that there are infinite possibilities in every moment and a shift and change in life becomes a extension of you and a natural flow in rhythm with all that is around you.
Be the skeptic and the believer and allow yourself to continue the journey until you get to your truth, whatever that means. Build your life's foundation on something immovable.
I desire peace, balance and love for you.
As I continue to work with people helping them heal fears, blocks and barriers to moving forward, I find the most challenging people to work with are people firmly stuck in their own pity party.
I love everyone and pray for all to heal and live balanced lives and I know this is a choice they must make. For years, I tried to drag a dead horse to water and push its head under trying to force it to drink and spring back into life. Now, I know that effort is futile and never works.
Everyone has experienced life in one form or another and comparing the experiences is not fair because what one would perceive as easy to handle can indeed a burden for another to bear. I have been told if we all put our troubles in one bag and picked someone else's, we'd desire to have our own troubles back instead. We have all come to learn lessons. We are all on our own journeys.
In my experience, I find the single most destructive mindset is one of self-pity. Self-pity can certainly be overcome if one is aware of the potential for self-pity and we certainly all have the potential. In my day, I have held beautifully colourful self-pity parties with cake, balloons and all the trimmings. I had even invited a few friends who sometimes came along and wallowed in my self-pity with me. Thinking back, I could have video taped those sessions and turned them in to "how not to" videos like "how not to live life."
Self-pity, however, is insidious. It creeps up on you without awareness and firmly plants itself in your brain affecting your demeanour, your thoughts, your emotions, your actions. Everything becomes a struggle and a battle. You constantly have to fight for you what you get or fight to keep what you have. Whenever there is a bump on the road of life, you become the instant victim and all of your life and life experiences are someone else's fault. Self-pity can make you give your power to others who don't deserve it and you find yourself repeating the same self-destructive stories over and over again.
It is said the subconscious mind does not know the difference between a story and reality. If you repeat the same stories over and over, the subconscious mind and body are reliving the same experience over and over again keeping you in the state of victim. Does it mean you forget the stories? What about the people who have hurt you and maligned you? Don't they deserve to suffer for what they've done to you?
I do not know if you can truly forget an experience but I do know healed experiences naturally fade from your current existence meaning a healed experience becomes distant and not a story easily recalled. If it is recalled, no emotion or thought will be attached to the story. It becomes a story that just is. As for wanting the people who hurt you to suffer, suffering only brings more suffering and continues to escalate.
Have you ever watched young children interact with the world around them? It is free, flowing and very peaceful. It is when we intervene in their connection with all that is that we disturb the flow.
What does that mean? It means we teach children our beliefs, our fears, our hopes and our dreams for them, for ourselves, for life when the truth is, none of that is required. If we would just learn to stay out of the way, children will find their own paths and make their own decisions for their lives.
This of course does not mean to stop being a parent. Rather the opposite. Being a parent means living the kind of life you desire for yourself. By acting on your convictions, your dreams and overcoming, healing your fears, you are teaching your children to do the same. Children do not learn from what we say, they learn from what we do.
By being true to ourselves, speaking truth, honouring ourselves and those around us, our children will learn the same and thus they will live the lives they choose to live rather than the life we or someone else dictates to them. This is being in the flow.
That is all well and good with our children but what about those of us who are "adults" and need to get back in to the flow? Great question. I am so glad you asked. The following are some tips I have used to set myself back in to the flow:
- Know beyond a shadow of a doubt you are loved and well supported by those around you and the universe. If you don't believe those around you will support you, this only means you don't support yourself. Begin to support yourself and those around you will support you too.
- Accept the gifts from the universe as they come to you. It is accepting that perhaps Creator knows better than we do and the stops (loss of job, illness, etc.) on our journey are necessary for us to take time to reflect where we are, where we have come from and what we have healed and learned along the way.
Too often we disturb the flow by trying to change what is happening without knowing what it is we desire in our lives. What would your ideal life look like? We begin to dream then temper those dreams with "reality." The words "reality", "should", "want" and "need" are words that impose a lot of guilt and negativity in your life. If you chose to, you could make an effort to remove those words entirely from your vocabulary and your life. It is difficult to do at times because we have been raised to be realistic and not want too much or need to much and we perhaps should do as people around us dictate to keep everyone happy so no one will be angry or disappointed in us.
My goodness, I am feeling heavy just typing the last paragraph.
At times, I step out of the flow. I allow someone or something or more often, myself, to come out of the flow and begin to fret about things entirely outside of my control. One such day, I was in the boutique and Creator guided me to take a walk out on to the beautiful deck and overlook the incredible Petitcodiac river. The tide was going out and as I looked down the river, I saw two ducks in the river. One was flowing gently with the river's tide. I connected with the duck's energy and feel incredible peace and a knowing that he was safe and there was nothing to worry about. Life was flowing and all was well. His friend, however, decided he was going to "take control" of his life and go against the tide. He paddled like crazy against the tide but the tide was too strong and he was going out. Panicking, he flew just above the water back up the river and landed once again in the water and proceeded to paddle like crazy against the tide once again. Still, he couldn't paddle enough to overcome the tide and down the river he went. He flew just above the water back up river and landed in the water, paddling furiously. Over and over this pattern repeated itself. I connected with this companion duck and I was overwhelmed with the frustrations, panic, fear and general confusion this animal was feeling. It was staggering.
I quickly disconnected from him and reconnected to the first duck who was still flowing gently down stream in peace and calm. I finally managed to take a deep breath and then I got the message from Creator. "I am fighting the stream of life. Turn around and go with the flow."
Taking another deep breath, I thanked the ducks for the lesson, thanked Creator for the message and stopped disturbing the flow.
Message from Elohim:"The message you are receiving today are connected to the needs of the ego overriding the desires of the spirit. The ego becomes a driving force in your life due to fears and limitations you choose to take on as your own. We are asking you to let go of your ego's needs and allow the flow of desire to move in to your life. The spirit is pure love and as life flows through the spirit, love will be the driving force behind all of your actions and deeds. We ask for you to allow us in to your lives to show you how to flow with life. Many opportunities are lost or delayed because you do not flow with life. We love you and support you. Allow us to do that."
Today, I will blogging about teaching and what that means to me. The definition of a teacher, according to dictionary.com:
- a person who teaches or instructs, especially as a profession; instructor.
- a person whose occupation is teaching others, especially children.
- a personified concept that teaches: nature is a good teacher.
I have been a computer trainer/instructor for well over 25 years and I love being able to share what I know with anyone willing to listen. Humans are a particularly curious creator and this bodes well for the continued expansion of knowledge and perceptions in the universe. We look to others and to experiences to teach us and broaden our perspectives in our lives. We also learn many new skills to do our respective jobs and services we offer in our careers.
On the flip side, there are people who are comfortable in their lives and choose not to expand their world. It is more comfortable for them to stay at the level of development they have achieved and they choose not to learn anything new. I honour and respect the choices everyone makes.
I have found in my experience however, that there is nothing more to be learned to live a truly peaceful and healed life. Sure it is interesting to know why the sky is blue, how flowers grow and the interaction between animals and the great circle of life but do I truly need to know this information to live peacefully and healed? Isn't it enough to know it happens and to accept it for what it is?
How about turning the human characteristic of curiosity inward and exploring the awesomeness of who you are? Everything you need to know about yourself is internal. It is buried in every cell of your body and your body is indeed an intriguing place to explore. We often relate who we are and our worth with the job we hold, the house we live in, the material things we have amassed and the truth is very different. Your worth is priceless and who you are is a perfect and infinite child of God.
What does remembering who you are have to do with being a teacher? My role as teacher is to help you to remember. I help to redirect your focus to yourself. I do not teach in the conventional sense of the word. I do not teach from a text book and I do not perpetrate the belief that you know nothing, I know everything and you must listen to me. I fulfill the desires of others and their need to self-heal, to lead a peaceful balanced life. I help you identify blocks you have put in front of yourself preventing you from understanding how truly fantastic you are.
There is much we can remember if we stop long enough to heal and listen. Every answer you seek is within you. Stop long enough to take a deep breath and ask for confirmation. Give yourself permission to remember and ask the universe to bring you your next teacher.
Food for thought: teachers are not always the "wise" people in your life, they are also what you would consider the most "annoying" people in your life.
Have a blessed day!